I recently posted a question about whether Dutch girls have a particular aversion to giving out their phone number; as in 3 separate experiences with Dutch girls this past weekend, all 3 balked at my request for their mobile number after we had been talking for a good amount of time. In the US, I've not regularly had this issue when chatting up girls at the bars or clubs. This is 1 answer I got: 'They don´t want stalkers on the phone, my friend. It has nothing to do with directness, but why give your phone number to a stranger, just because you talk to him for a while? Next time, give them your number. If they are interested, they´ll call you.' Now, my impression was that the Dutch people are generally direct and concise, so I thought Dutch girls would be more forward about showing a lack of interest than talking to a guy for a half-hour and then shooting him down when he asks for a contact. The question I pose in the subject of this post: is it not the point in giving this stranger your number after you've talked for a while? It's not as though you're going to continue talking to them for 48 hours straight in that one spot in the bar; people have to go home and you exchange contact info to resume an interaction at a later time. Is the second part of that answer I got have something to do with the goal of gender egalitarianism in Dutch society? Instead of the classic 'guy gets girl's number and she has to wait to see if he will call her,' it becomes 'guy offers his number to girl and after if she takes it then he has to wait to see if she will call him' ?? Am I loopy or is this how things work in Holland between guys and girls meeting for the first time? I'm aware that Dutch guys are generally reserved and do not often approach girls first; but is this so ingrained that Dutch girls become somewhat offended if they get approached that they field a conversation for a time and then just wave the hand? Is there some sort of subliminal neo-feminism in all Dutch women? My final thought is regarding the 'if they're interested they'll call you.' Is it not that a guy gets a girl's number and calls her and then 'if they're interested, they'll call you BACK' ?? Someone, please enlighten me on Dutch 'courting rituals' and if I am out of line (queue) to approach a Dutch girl at a bar/club. BTW, I am American and 23 y/o.
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
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Every girl is different! You need to stop categorizing girls as if they are all the same. There is no general rule as to how "Dutch Girls" behave... or how "American Girls" behave... Some girls go to a bar to meet guys and give out their number. Some girls would prefer to get the guy's number so that she has control over the next move. Some girls just don't like being approached by random guys at the bar and exchange their number. Next time, when you are talking to a girl and if you really like her and genuinely want to see her again, and she seems interested in you, ask her if she would like to meet up for a drink sometime (or something similar)... if she says yes, then ask to exchange numbers (you get hers, she gets yours), then if you are both interested, it might work out... if she doesn't go along with it, then move on, it's not a big deal!
